Updated: Jul 19, 2021
Get a pen/pencil, print this out or get a piece of paper. Write “X” if the following statements are true.
1) Subconsciously or unconsciously, I seek approval from the people that I love. ___
2) I have made mistakes in the past that have directly affected my family or friends. ___
3) As I continue evolving in my life, I feel my past still haunts me from time to time. ___
4) Someone I love constantly displays distrust in me by undermining my decisions. ____
5) I have a family member or friend that displays resentful or negative behavior with me and (only me). ___
6) I am constantly blamed for everything by the same loved one or friend. ____
7) It appears that I am the only one that works to mend the relationship/friendship. ___
8) I am always apologizing, even if it is not my fault; I just want to keep the peace. ____
9) I have a family member or friend that may love me but do not like me. ____
10) I feel the need to constantly explain myself for every decision that I make. ____
11) I am not defensive but very often, I am defending myself with this person. ____
12) When that family member or friend talks to me, they sound irritated, or short. ___
13) I work extra hard to carefully respond to that same family member or friend by my choice of words. ____
14) Often, I feel misunderstood. ____
If you marked, “X” to 50% or more to all these statements than this read is for you. If you have under 50% you should continue anyway, and share this with someone that may get blessed by this.
Why am I here?
Thanks for staying with us 😊 You are still here either because you are curious to know what I am going to say, or because your quiz told you to. First things first, we are perfectionists and tend to seek approval from those that are nearest to us. As someone who has completed the healing process with a constant inward battle with myself and/or other people, I am here to tell you that this IS a very hard concept to accept. Initially, it may appear that they have an issue with you, (which they do) but essentially, you compete within yourself to invalidate their thoughts or perceptions of you.
For the most part, I am quite confident that we all love and desire to maintain a healthy relationship with our Family and friends. Very often, there are instances where friends, even family members can be toxic to remain close to for various reasons. Whomever this Individual is that makes you feel inferior probably makes you feel like there is no room for mistakes, even when you are amid learning. Mistakes are done with innocence and usually occur once pertaining to that subject. The beauty in that is that we are awarded grace, and mercy to re-arrange ourselves, and try it again. Now- if you are making the same mistake, then it is no longer a mistake; it is stupidity. That is deserving of a self-check, and tough love. If your chaotic predicaments are not self-inflicted mistakes or mishaps than you have to free yourself of this notion of pleasing that person because clearly nothing you do will satisfy them and you will destruct yourself with perfectionism trying to please them!
“ No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”- Eleanor Roosevelt
Attaining approval from others inadvertently says:
1. My love for them is not enough.
2. I am not loving enough.
3. Their love has requirements to be met.
4. Their love has limitations.
5. I am not worth forgiveness.
6. I am not worthy of respect.
7. My feelings do not matter.
8. I am not likable enough.
As an author, blogger, and as a faithful writer- I assure you that we are constantly proofreading, hesitant, or will deliberately procrastinate on publishing an article because every expression, metaphor, and analogy has to be properly formulated to ensure the delivery to our readers!
They're so many articles that I have written that remain in the 'draft,' stage, and are never 'published,' due to the agitation of it not being received well. The world is vicious and will quickly criticize your conveyance to them that it will void its' entire purpose.
They're many legendary writers, artists, musicians with unknown masterpieces sitting in their vaults due to incompletion that they never released before their passing. We were not created to be perfect or seek approval from others, we were created to walk and live in our God-given purpose. His purpose for you is living in your truth and facing the guilt, and fear of your mistakes to help his people. If you were a drug addict, got evicted, got fired from your job, had multiple run-ins with the law, dropped out of school, had an abortion, were abused, or were the abuser, just to name a few, you have simply experienced humility. Free your heart and let it go!
I have personally made some careless mistakes and of course- the same dumb decisions and I use to work so hard to get rid of it. I was ashamed. I was afraid that at every family or friend event, someone in my close circle would bring it up. I was the elephant in the room! To help with my own insecurities and to make others proud of me, I worked aggressively hard to assist with family or friends wherever I could. “Yes, to babysitting,” “Yes, to housesitting,” or even “Yes, to pick that person up and taking them over there.” There was never a time where I said, “No,” because I felt that this was my moment to prove that I was worth it and that I could do good. Now don't get it twisted, I love my family, and friends and will do what I can to support them. However, I have learned more about my intentionality of saying "yes," and that saying "no," is extremely liberating to my growth, and grace for myself.
You do not get an award for overworking yourself! You do not get an award for sucking up to someone! You do not get an award for being the most popular or even having the most likes! If you do get an award- it doesn’t truly get you very far! God’s unconditional love and grace are sufficient! God can take you higher when you simply focus on having a relationship with him. I am willing to bet that when you let go of what others’ want you to be and their vision of what you should be doing- you will be blissfully living for God, and no one else.
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